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why [Aug. 4th, 2010|06:24 am]
cant you sleep. they said i wouldnt be able to. marc said he couldnt sleep forever when he quit drinking.i cant hardly take this. it sucks im doing nothing but shaking and praying and nothing is happening. Jesus just let me sleep. this is my second night with none. last night i prayed for death. tonight i just want sleep. hopefully not much longer for the detox. then i think things will get better. big day ahead of me today. meeting. yard work. laying around the pool. just help me for today. we will worry about thursday when it comes. why did i wait so long to do this.
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Jumpin on the water wagon [Aug. 28th, 2009|11:34 pm]
yeah about time again. Did not last too long last time. its for the best. It is prolly the #1 problem in my life. if I could think clearly for more than 3 days at a time i'd be alot farther. I know alot of friends supported me. And I KNOW alot of you want nothing to do with me now. But im pretty sure if I can actually do it this time and ACTUALLY try maybe you'll remember the old me. I know it will take a long time to regain your trust, all of yours but that is what im gonna do. Or imma end up where my dad is. worst than that i wont have any of the friends i have loved so dear for so long. to everyone i am sorry. I have been a fool. This is not my first apology. but i really hope it is gonna be my last. goodnight
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(no subject) [Dec. 1st, 2008|01:31 pm]
some people are givers and some people are takers. I dont think that the takers have need to be reasonable or rational.

That said and done, somebody please press stop and then press rewind, i would really like that.

: (
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dont know why I try [Dec. 1st, 2008|12:45 pm]
[Current Location |home duh]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |destroy everything]

If I became a 100% different person would it really matter. I think ill always have to worry and it will always be a fight. I think If I try my hardest my very honest to god hardest it would make no differece. I have never had anybody make me feel so good, and Ive never had anybody make me feel so god awful. When your ready to let go and have a one on one relationship with me let me know. Although I dont much like waiting around.
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life is so shitty [Nov. 27th, 2008|03:43 pm]
ill never be good enough
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realized last night [Nov. 21st, 2008|12:40 pm]
[mood |excitedexcited]
[music |kmk-can anybody hear me]

i dont need anybody to be haopy. My aunt says im a great person. my cousin says I am a wonderful person. I just need to find a girl who is on the same page as me. which would be hard because im constantly flippin pages. I really thought you were the one. maybe you were, maybe nobody will ever make me happy again. I dont really care. I can be single unlike you I dont have to depend on somebody else. The sun is shining and its a brand new day. WOOT MOTHER FUCKIN WOOT!
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a different kind of pain [Nov. 20th, 2008|05:47 pm]
Before i let you go
Give me just one more night to show you
Just how i feel
I lost all my control
If it takes my whole damnned life i'll
Make this up to you

Im kinda like the waves that roll their whole life
Towards somewhere crashing it on the shore
Thats blown in by the wind that carries the clouds
To hide my wish on a fallen star

A differnt kind of pain, is someone there to hold you
Is someone there to take you away from me

I tried to let you go
I wish i could turn back time and show
You just how i feel
I needed you to know
If it takes my whole damned life i'll
Make this up to you

Before you let me go, i needed you to know
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Suicide [Nov. 20th, 2008|05:35 pm]
yes the easy way out.

crosses my mind frequently. Id do it if i wasnt so afraid of whats on the other side. mostly i dont even care about that.

I am mostly worried about that piece of dog shit tryin to raise my baby
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(no subject) [Nov. 20th, 2008|04:57 pm]
whenever i start to feel secure with myself like it might be ok. it blows up in my face,
you do things to intentionally hurt me. And you make huge decisions without thinkin. thanksgiving is next week. Im thankful you still talk to me. even though its killing me. Ive never been so depressed. you call it psycho. but i call it love.
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(no subject) [Nov. 19th, 2008|11:27 am]
So I basically suck at life. But I know I wont forever. things have to turn over for me here soetime soon. Im gonna do something great and I know it. Every since I was little Ive always known id do something good in this world. I have everything it takes (minus the money) Basically sooner than later Imma come out on top shinin. and one of my biggest fears is that you wont be there with me.
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